everyday sexism live feed:
It's as normal to be harassed as it is to see an advert or have someone talk to you.
You can't freely make friends with or be nice to men for generalised fear they'll think you want their hands on you before knowing who they are.
If you want us to smile more, dickface, don't teach us we'll be harassed for it!
And the lists the women I know have, like on this site, are of *notable*, *physical* assaults! Rape and bodily harm and physical invasion - not even just the normalised verbal assaults on our competence.. e.g. "what are you 'trying' to do", if you're fixing the house or car. Or disregard for your input, being called a prude for not appreciating sexist (against men or women) and rape humour. Gah!
And for all those hundreds of other normalised comments, I've stopped *myself* and questioned - if they say this then I must be doing something wrong! The thousands of times over my life that I've questioned myself, and put others first - when I end up *right*!!!!
I have an aversion to success because of this exhausting hassle. To the point where depression is my comfort zone. I constantly return, and feel uncomfortable with people knowing about my achievements. It is *easier to socialise* when I make myself stupid and wrong!
Even when an old man came into my work (a pharmacy), asked for some help outside the counter, then hugged me and so forcibly tried to kiss me on the mouth that I had to violently pull my face away as he kept pulling my body in - and I was on the 8 am sunday morning shift(!) - I was thinking how it was my fault for being helpful! I told my colleague as though it was a story about someone giving the wrong change, oh haha! She was the one to be surprised, and to tell management. It was a rare relief that they banned him on condition of police arrest. Then *I* was surprised.
I remember that incident, because in my life it's been so rare to feel that relief of support, or *not being held accountable for someone elses behaviour*. It's this burden of fault when other people choose to poke and tease me, or that I'm doing something wrong if people are choosing not to acknowledge the words coming out of my mouth and loudly talk over me or ignore me.
The way I apply ethics to myself is so fucked up!!
I have a long list of tolerated bullshit, but right now I also have wonderful men around me, who love me and support my goal to become more confident.
But, even they speak and behave in 'normal' ways which defeat that goal. Which has been the hardest thing to argue for, that their expressions of annoying affection silences me and how I feel, and it doesn't help.
Why are boys taught that non-consentual bullying (whether gently or abusively) is how to love! Yet if I call a guy out on an intellectual slip up or make jokes or physically push and shove - I get looks and I'm a jerk??? If I say stop then stop dammit!
I'm exhausted from all these one sided little bullyings, and overt bullyings. I want the energy to think what I think and get on with my life without being held accountable for others! I want to feel comfortable *not* being defeated helpless and depressed!
And I don't want to associate my sexuality with invasion and disgust, I want to associate it with loving my partner! I deserve *control* over how *I* experience sex! Every man and woman deserves this, men shouldn't have to live up to angry shiny media 'sex' caricatures either D:
i mentioned the wold whistles and comments in annoyance to my partner recently, and he light heartedly replied that surely i should be flattered and take it as a compliment, and even jokingly suggested that if i really didn't like it, i would have to dress to make myself look less attractive.
i consider my partner to be a sweet, considerate and lovely guy, who respects women. yet this is possibly the common thinking.
I met a group of young Irish men who were friends of a friend. I said hello and asked one of them where said friend was as i planned to meet him. I was told he was on his way and "Dont you ever interrupt me again unless your going to ride me"
Same guy came up to me moments later and said "oh your from X do you know X?" i replied a simple no and looked away, so he grabbed me by the arm with his right hand and put his left hand on the back of my head and pushed me downwards, then simulated a sex act on himself with my arm that he had grabbed and said "maybe you know sheek mohammed". hilarious.
the next day i met some of this guys friends he thankfully was'nt present, and this group of 5 men over the space of an hour made 7 references to my chest. when i told them to stop speaking to me, i was told to relax that it was a compliment and that i should be happy that they were saying it and that it would be worse if they didnt.
Then 'sheek mohammed' turned up, i got ready to leave and he came up to me to apologise. I shook his hand (just for an easy life) and he, in front of a pub full of people started trying to kiss me on the lips.
later that night Sheek Mohammed had a threesome with two gorgeous girls apparently.
We as women complain about how we get treated yet we accept it for fear of being seen as a nag, or no fun or dramatic.
This was extremely upsetting for me, yet i was afraid to say anything much at the time because of how i would be perceived by my peers. I'm 25. I obviously need to grow up. i swear from this point on wards I wont except anything but respect from men and I will demand it.